Health maintenance

The past week or so has been a waiting time for the results of some medical tests. Maybe it was long overdue, but I actually had not done certain tests for several years. Anyway, it was the symptoms that made me acutely aware that a check was called for. I had a test for cancer of the uterus and wondered as I waited for the results how I would cope with a positive result. I wondered what it would mean to have to spend time in the new year for surgery and other treatments. There was anxiety yet I am thankful to God for carrying me in a most graced way through the few days of waiting. I was even able to resist calling up early to see if the results were in. I waited until the day of my appointment to find out. The result came back negative and for that I was grateful to the Lord. However, this waiting time has indeed reminded me of how fragile life can be. One moment you are well and the next you may discover a serious illness. In fact advances in the medical field are not what we can ultimately cling to. For example, even a test like a mammogram could miss 5 - 15% of breast cancers!! The same with most other tests administered by frail human beings, using technology that is designed by human knowledge. I know I struggle with accepting and embracing my human (not to be equated with sinful) limitations, my creaturehood. Sometimes in the name of 'service' and 'ministry' we overextend ourselves, forgetting that everything comes from God anyway, and our ministry concerns are ultimately under his overarching providence.

Anyway, this experience was another step in learning to be grateful for every moment of life, for every day of health granted by God. I actually felt today that I do indeed trust Jesus with more of my life - but what this means in specific terms cannot easily be articulated. Life is always in a flux. We are grateful for one thing one day. The next we are faced with difficult challenges. Maybe trust involves deepening relationship with the Giver more than the actual 'gifts' granted.

I had tea with a dear friend on the afternoon of New Year's Day and we prayerfully shared our gratitude for the year past, and our concerns and hopes for the year ahead. I am still 'waiting' for various things as the new year begins. They have to do with certain ministry involvements in the year ahead. I have expressed my deepest desires to the Lord, but have to wait to see if they are also his for me at this time.