Fears

John 6 : 16 -21

The sea began to be stirred up because a strong wind was blowing.

Fear and faith are two experiences that are, to Christians, contradictory. We believe that when we 'have faith' we should not fear. However, if you and I look back on our spiritual lives, how many of us have 'failed' the test if the absence of fear is an accurate measure of our faith? At this point in my life, I prefer not to be so 'cut and dried' when it comes to matters of faith. Fear is a universal experience. I would be fearful if a robber entered my house. I would be fearful if I was confronted with a diagnosis of cancer. I would be fearful if my children made choices that placed them in dangerous situations. In so many situations in life, the first emotion we feel is fear. Isn't this what the 'fight and flight' reaction is all about?

When I hear people advising others not to fear, I wonder if they might only be making the situation worse for the person caught in fear. Because now guilt is added to their turmoil. Guilt that they are not being 'faithful' Christians. But if we take Scripture seriously, we know that "Do not fear" is God's word many, many times, in various situations. How then do we reconcile our 'human' reactions with our spiritual lives? I know I do not want to be a person who lives a dual life: 'naming and claiming' victory in the Lord while ignoring the turmoil within me. Others can and will in time see through such 'religious masks'.

Recently I was fearful (or rather anxious) about certain circumstances connected with my children. Living with two growing teenagers, one meets sudden squalls and windstorms, the weather changing even in the course of a single day. I certainly know that Jesus says "Do not fear" and I am deeply comforted by that. However, the stubborn anxiety did not go away just by 'knowing' a fact. I had to be patient with myself, even as the inner noise continued to intrude even into my times of silence. What helped was not other people's reminders about not being anxious. Nor did people's suggestions about possible actions help much. In the end it is coming back to the Lord, as I am, acknowledging my anxieties, speaking to him honestly about it and....just waiting, just waiting in his presence. My prayer guidebook reminds me that 'what is present to me affects my becoming'. And knowing that God is present to me in love amidst the many things that have a hold on me, I pray that 'I may let God's presence affect my be-coming' both in the time of prayer and through the day, whatever the weather conditions.