Being fed by God

John 6: 1- 15

Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted.

The pursuit of bread - spiritual or otherwise - is a universal compulsion of humankind. It can and often does take the wrong turns. As Christians, we are well aware that our pursuit must engage the spiritual and not just the material. How am I fed by God? Where does my spiritual nurture come from? It is obvious that our feeding comes from Jesus, the 'bread of life'. But many people within the church today are not receiving the spiritual food they hunger for. There are many reasons for this. But one reason that stands out in this passage is that we have often made Jesus a religious figure in our own image, in order to serve our own agenda. The crowd who had witnessed the miraculous sign attempted 'to take Jesus by force and make him king' (v.15) . They were trying to use him for their political ends. Jesus refused to let them and he 'withdrew to a mountain by himself'. Today, Jesus is 'taken by force' in the church when we use Jesus' name to justify our various agendas.

The sad thing is that this leaves many in the church hungry because we offer a religious pursuit of bread, rather than encourage and invite people to be fed by God. People can be filled to the brim with religious bread but find little that is life giving in it. I discovered the hunger in myself when all my busyness in ministry did not lead me nearer to God. Initially I was satisfied with the ministry accomplishments, righteous efforts and intellectual knowledge of Scripture. But soon, thankfully, these no longer nourished me and my hunger called out for attention. I searched through various Christian traditions. In my searching I found (and still find) that being fed by God is simple. In churches so congested with busyness, we have lost sight of it amidst the more elaborate trappings. It means coming back to our life giving source, simply and without expectations. I believe that the discipline of silence grounds all other forms of spiritual nourishment. Silence allows me to hear the Word that I lose while trying to do God's work. Silence brings me back to the realization that I am not in control of things. In silence I open myself for God to speak into the depths of my being - from which, as Jesus said, comes either what is 'clean or unclean'. In this part of my journey, I am being led into the prayer of silence. God may want to say many things to me, things I have not heard because I am too 'noisy'. As I wait each day, I ask for the grace to be free from my own preoccupations so that I can hear and be fed in the way God desires for me.