Follow me

John 21: 15 - 19

"When you were younger, you used......to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old.....someone else .....will take you where you do not wish to go.....Follow me"

I remember being given this passage to meditate on almost 10 years ago, when I was nearing the end of an Ignatian retreat in daily life. As I read and reread the passage then, I sensed myself getting worried about what it might mean, in practical terms. While I wholeheartedly wished to follow the Lord (hence undertaking the retreat which stretched over 9 months), I was beginning to realize that it wasn't going to be a bed of roses. In my journal, I wrote, 'Lord grant me the courage to stretch out my arms and to be led. I realize you may lead me to where I do not want to go. Grant me the grace to be open to your love and to love in return without fear of becoming vulnerable and losing control over my life'.

Today, as I prayed, the words "follow me" caught my attention. Peter and the others were first called with those words and now before Jesus leaves them, he extends the same invitation. "Follow me": words so simple yet so 'loaded'. After all these years, I am still trying to understand what this means moment by moment. These words, coming from Jesus, mean that we must be prepared to let ourselves be girded by God and be led by him wherever he wants us to go. This willingness frees us from desperately clinging on to our lives and being fixed on a path we choose for ourselves. What counts is being with our beloved Lord.....in life or in death, in joy or in suffering, in glorious freedom or in more restricted circumstances. This thought helped free me from the desolation that came upon me last week because of my anxieties. When my inner state is dictated by what is happening externally, it is only too easy to slip into desolation. Today, my spirit is lifted and I can commit myself to look for Jesus......without being distracted by what others are doing or choosing. Jesus is saying to me "Follow me". With his grace, I will look for him in all circumstances, look for where he beckons and follow him there. By doing this, I will walk the unique path, the unique way in which I am called to give expression to the gospel on this earth.