Working world.....

This month sees me in the 'fray' of extra work......somehow, i had agreed on the extra locum before other things cropped up. So it's six hours three times a week for the rest of the month. Not much at all compared to people on full day jobs!! But it is really the most i can do at this point in my life. The clinic is really busy and on Monday, from 1 pm to 7 pm I had hardly a quiet moment. Today, because of the rain through the afternoon, there was some respite! The days in between would be filled with house chores and other meetings......and of course the space to 'be'.

This working world is not something i really identify with anymore. In the past month when i had to fill in forms asking "occupation" i found myself unable to fill that space up (of course these were non official forms, probably to get a database) A sense of not identifying with one particular thing i 'do' - perhaps this mid-life search for who I am amidst the many life changes, within and around me.

Perhaps desiring the doing and being to be more integrated. My formal "occupation" asks of me a type of responsibility that is not easy to bear for long. Not that I take home the patients' problems but there is always the need to follow through or leave instructions for follow through if I am not there to see the results of a test I have done.

Through this period I pray of course for the physical strength, also not to catch any infections (so many people have some form of respiratory illness). But more than that, i try to relate with the patients in a way that will be life giving for them - and also for me. Sometimes that means just listening - and having no clear 'answers' - and i am pleasantly surprised that people do accept 'no answers' and are willing to 'wait' or try a simple treatment before going for a whole battery of tests.

My prayer of course is also to be more and more myself even in this part time "occupation".