Truth in love

Matthew 18 : 15 - 20

......go and tell him his fault....

The worst thing in any relationship is not to deal with a problem directly with the other person. It is so common to deal with it indirectly, perhaps talking to someone else about it, or complaining to another. Of course it is a risk to 'confront' the problem. But the risk carries with it the possibility of "gaining a brother" - in other words, the bond of relationship is strengthened through mutual understanding, forgiveness by the wronged party and repentance of the other. This is really ideal and we would hope to model this among Christians.

But in reality things are not so straightforward. Humans are so complex - the longer I get to know myself, the more I am sure that others are just as difficult to understand at least in certain aspects of their being. People do not always respond openly when addressed directly about their faults and weaknesses. We are all so self-protective that the first response to perceived attack is defensiveness. So at times, we do tread on tiptoe when the other person is around, unable to clear the air by confronting the issue.

Actually the need to bring another to help us iron out the issue might bring even more defensiveness. But it is necessary especially with issues concerning for example the church; things that threaten to disrupt the unity of the church. The extreme, as Jesus suggested would be to 'excommunicate' the person! Even this should rightly be done with much grace. The person who becomes like the 'tax collectors' is still valuable to God, and every effort should still be made to bring them back. We recall that to Jesus, these 'outcasts' were important to bring back to the fold.

I believe we are invited to grow in grace each time we are confronted with such issues. They are not just problems, personal or church related, to be solved. At some point we ourselves might be the 'offender' who needs to be confronted. How would we receive correction? These issues remind us about the hurts and woundedness we ourselves bear, that of the other person, and teach us that life in God's kingdom is not a formula to be mastered. It is a life that invites ever greater spiritual freedom.