Not "at home"

I am always amazed and very grateful how the Lord brings the 'right' book for me to read at different stages of my life. Although I have recognized this before, the more recent occasions have been significant because at this stage of my journey he is inviting me to 'float' or 'flow' with him. I guess he knows the reminders I need that he is 'in charge' and my part is to cooperate as one does when floating on water. The thing that trips me up is how much cooperation is required without 'taking over' from him!!

Anyway, the book that came to my attention this time is "Return of the prodigal son" (Henri Nouwen). I was looking for a book to suggest for a book discussion - and the Lord brought this book to mind. I didn't realize why until I started reading it this month. I read the book probably a couple of times about 6 or 7 years ago and have meditated on the painting by Rembrandt but I don't remember what I 'heard' before. This time, Nouwen's sharing about "not being home" just sprang out at me. This is what I have been feeling of late. I know through faith that, as he says "I am God's home". Yet, I often live 'outside', being drawn to many things and distracted from the quiet inner voice of love. Trying to discern has been difficult because I am listening outside rather than within. I attribute this phase to the mid-life journey, which certainly plays a part. But it will not pass with mid-life if I do not intentionally take hold of the riches of my inner sanctuary where God has chosen to dwell. This is a s-l-o-w process, especially for one whose default mode is living externally. The years of practicing contemplative disciplines have certainly helped. But there is much more that the Lord wants to do to bring me closer "home".