Painful prayer

Matthew 19 : 16 - 22

"All these I have kept.......what do I still lack?"

I wonder if I would dare to ask God what I lack. In this, we are moving from prayer as just asking for our needs to prayer that reveals to us our inner spiritual state. The rich young man dared to. Perhaps he took pride in his accomplishments and his faithfulness in keeping the commandments. He was sure of himself and felt that whatever area he lacked, he would be able to follow as well. Well, as we know, he was in for a shock.

Jesus did not ask him to 'do' more. He asked him to empty himself of his wealth. That was exactly what he could not do. It revealed to the rich man what it was that actually gave him security. It was not God but his wealth.

Prayer, real prayer can be very painful sometimes, if we are willing to open ourselves to the Lord. I wonder how easily we approach the Lord and 'show' him our 'dutiful service', even priding ourselves for what we have done. Actually, we have not achieved it all by ourselves if we stop to think. It is only by God's grace that we have been able to do what the Lord desires of us.

And when we are ready to bring ourselves to him, in openness, he may well tell us what we 'lack'. Once, in prayer, when I came to the Lord with my hands full of good works, he told me very clearly that he wanted all of me, and not just my offerings. My good works kept me in his will but also kept me from realizing my utter dependence on him. The Lord wanted to strip away the self-sufficiency. That was a painful yet very revealing prayer.

The rich young man tried very hard to please God. And so do we. But he (as also with most of us), was not aware of his attachment to material goods (we may have different attachments). We can offer our energies to serve God, but would we be open to God's stripping of our deeper attachments....to honor, to riches, to self sufficiency? Would we dare to ask the Lord, "What do I lack, Lord? Please reveal to me my hidden motives that keep me from true surrender to you."

I believe our Lord will always be gentle with us and will not ask from us what he will not also enable us to give. The journey of prayer is not always easy and consoling......not if we truly seek God.