Journey toward forgiveness

Matthew 18 : 21 - 35

"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times"

Much has been said and written about forgiveness in the Christian world. And yet, there will always be a demand for books and talks on this subject because it is one of the simplest and yet hardest things we are asked to do in the Christian life. It is 'easy' because we are told it is a matter of will and obedience - we obey and 'will' to forgive in response to our Lord's command. At the same time, it is often the most difficult thing we are asked to do because any wound we receive from others affects us in our deep human emotions. We can rise above those feelings and say we will forgive. But being human, we do need to tend to the tangled emotions. An open wound can be sutured and a broken bone set in place right away but wound care is always needed to allow full tissue healing to occur. In the same way, we can obediently align our will towards forgiving others but we often also need to pay careful attention to painful emotions to complete the healing process.

It seems to me that anger is often the first reaction when we are hurt. It surfaces easily because it is a strong feeling... it helps us cope in our distress. And it is something we can direct towards the offender. Anger is often the first and perhaps necessary reaction but if we do not get beyond that, any healing will be superficial at best. In my counselling, I find that breakthroughs come about when a person is able to feel the more tender feelings of hurt and pain caused by the offender. To feel vulnerable, to feel that something has been lost (whether our self esteem or our physical well being) and has been taken away by the offender is a very difficult place to be. But we should stay there in God's presence (and perhaps with the help of someone else) long enough. We need to cry out to the Lord from that place of vulnerability. The psalmists have given us models of such prayer: "Out of the depths I cry to you...Lord hear my cry" (Psalm 77). It seems to me that being vulnerable before the Lord somehow opens us up to receiving his healing love. While we remain in an angry or blaming stance, he cannot get through to us. When our hearts are truly 'broken' the Lord can come in and do the repair work that we cannot do ourselves.

Forgiveness is a choice and act of will in obedience to God. But it is also a process whereby we allow the Lord to heal our wounded emotions.