First and last

Mark 10: 28 - 31

"But many who are first will be last and the last first"

I can almost hear Peter saying, "We have left everything to follow you" in answer to Jesus' comment that being saved is impossible with man but not with God. We cannot know exactly how Peter felt as he uttered those words. Perhaps there was an element of puzzlement or perhaps a need for affirmation for himself and his fellow disciples...those who had indeed given up all to follow Jesus. They had played their part by giving up all their earthly securities. But as Jesus says, salvation is God's work, impossible for man to achieve by his own efforts. And he goes on to say that those who have given up their lives for his sake will be richly rewarded. But, and there is another 'but' "many who are first will be last and the last first". Jesus does not leave us with a comfortable promise about how our own efforts will bring the rewards we hope to receive! Another enigmatic saying of our Lord.

I know that at times I might speak as Peter did. For me, it would mark a sense of puzzlement and perhaps frustration about God's ways. I may have tried hard to follow the Lord (though giving up far less than Peter and his friends!) and grown puzzled at how my 'efforts' do not exactly equal 'success' or 'reward'. In fact, many a time, it seems the opposite. Am I mistaken and does the Lord not notice my efforts? This is where God bursts the balloon of pride that subtly creeps in for those who work hard at their faith. I know that for myself, making an effort, being intentional about my faith is a high priority for me. At the same time it is a snare that can easily lead me to think that everything starts and ends with my effort. I am taking on too much responsibility and in time that leads to pride (when effort and success match) or frustration (when they don't). So I am gently chided yet relieved to hear Jesus' words, "many who are first will be last and the last first". No one enters the kingdom by dint of his or her own strength or effort. This brings me down to earth. Who can deny himself completely? Who can sell all that he has? Effort on our part is required and there will be rewards but it will not depend on human effort alone. The spiritual life starts and ends with what we allow God to do in us and for us, not so much what we can do for him. God sees beyond all our well meaning efforts to the heart where being first or last is really found. "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4 :23).