Mary and Martha in one person

Loving attentiveness to God

Our life with God is nourished by the times we spend with him both in service and in solitude. The former way of being with God (serving and activity) is something most committed Christians have no problem doing. In fact many Christians seem to thrive on much activity. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, we are all invited to participate in God's kingdom work.

However, we often forget that being conformed to Christ, which is what spiritual formation is all about, does not stop with the doing. If we are to be formed to be like Christ in all ways that a human can, we need to consider other aspects of his human life. Jesus frequently retreated to a 'quiet place' to be alone with his Father. I believe that in this he shows us how we as humans should relate to our Father too.

In my own journey with God, there came a time about 12 years ago when I began to realize that my Christian activities and the rather superficial devotional life that I had could not sustain me for long. There was a deep yearning for 'something more'. I found myself searching, first by devouring books on the spiritual life and then by seeking out spiritual guides to speak with about what was happening. What should I do? Is there a program to follow? Both the books and the guides were of one voice - there is no 'technique' ...it is not something one can master....it is a relationship whereby one submits to the One who has initiated the longing in the first place.

All relationships demand one thing from both sides: time and commitment. Or in other words discipline. The discipline of solitude with God is one that many committed Christians agree is important and yet fail to practice. Time after time there is the same admission..'well, I know I should spend more time with God but...'

As someone who journeys with others, I often wonder why this happens. I believe the reasons are as unique as each person is. Being alone with God can be scary...because then we come 'face to face' with the One who is beyond our comprehension. We realize our littleness and inadequacy. We prefer to keep God at arm's length (as if we could because he is after all everywhere). But we do that in our prayers by just doing all the talking and hoping that he does not come too close. After all, might he not ask us to do things we don't want to? Or to show us things about ourselves that we should deal with? Well, if we talk so much, how is he to get a word in?

I admit that I was 'fearful' of what would happen when I quieted down. There was a sense that I was not good enough to deserve his attention. There were guilt feelings about things I imagined I ought to have done or not done. Yet, thanks to my disciplined personality, (and as I understand it now, God's invitations) I persevered. I have learned that God does not speak as much about the 'doing' as about the 'be-ing'. Yes, over time, I did hear the whispers of God : You are my beloved. Something I 'knew' well enough with my mind. But I needed to 'hear' it from him. Loving attentiveness to God is nothing highly mystical or esoteric. It is perhaps much more his desire for us to spend time with him than we could ever understand.

We should offer our service to God as Martha did. He surely appreciates that. Can we also give him the gift of loving attentiveness as Mary did?