Consolation-desolation shifts

I have experienced shifts between consolation and desolation.....these past three weeks, partly due to the added clinic workload. The hours at clinic have been busy, many people to attend to, each with their needs, be it as simple as a upper respiratory infection, to more chronic problems, and even to stress related illnesses. Foreign workers (the general workers category) have a very limited budget for medical bills and most probably their employers do not reimburse them. I also wonder if they will be paid if given medical leave. It is sometimes difficult to work within their budget and still provide them with adequate, responsible care, as i have no say in the charges. Maids however are usually well taken care of and their employers pay their medical bills - for that I am grateful.

In my younger days it was not difficult to see many, many outpatients - one by one, rather impersonally, of course - just to get the load cleared. Now it is different. Perhaps I'm older, perhaps i see people more and more as unique beings and would like to try to acknowledge that uniqueness even as i deal with the physical symptoms.

I generally feel consoled when i can connect with someone and have been able to help them, in whatever way they need - whether it is medication or just medical leave. The desolation sneaks in when i don't allow myself time to 'debrief' - even just to name and acknowledge the feelings to myself and give them over to God. When the hours are so packed that there is no break in between - then i need to do the debriefing a home.

In all this time, Joy has been a real help. Sabbath too of course. But just one look at Joy - in her 'baby-ness' and i remember to smile. I remember that life is not to be such a serious thing. And that God 'smiles' too, if we would choose to turn towards him.