A new year......

I was hoping for a little time last week to round off the year but with the flu bug at the beginning of the week and then a very busy two days at clinic, i actually ended the year somewhat tired out. Did not realize this until the weekend when just a few hours of chit chat and lunch with relatives left me really tired and i even had a bit of lightheadedness the following day - doing very minimal and normal chores!! Hmm....well, it was enforced rest yesterday and i took things really slowly today, and have more or less recovered. Tomorrow and Wednesday will be working days - and i just hope that it will not be too busy ....

Just after Christmas, I entered the "Third Week" in my Ignatian prayer exercises. This is the phase of the Passion of Christ. Well, it does seem a little 'out of season', but since we began the 19th Annotation retreat in September, it does not follow the liturgical year.

I am amazed, as praying through the Last Supper, Foot Washing and Gethsemane, i am led to how 'human' Jesus really was. It is well enough to proclaim that he is fully human, fully divine, but the 'divine' part usually takes center stage. Here, in these prayer exercises, i see him struggle in a very human way, in a way that helps me more fully appreciate and understand him. There is no indication that the struggle was easily won, or that the anguish and sorrow was unreal - in fact, at Gethsemane, he sought human companionship as he struggled in prayer. His disciples could not 'stay awake' for various reasons (worn out with grief; did not know what to say to Him...) and he was left quite alone bereft of the companionship of his friends (Luke mentions that angels strengthened him). He won the struggle - to say "Yes" to his Father's will. His love for humankind was a love "to the end" - a love that accepted total vulnerability - in the hands of those he came to save.

All these insights left me in a quiet, serious mood, knowing very well my own responsibility in Jesus' suffering. Yet, wonder of wonders, he loved me, loved us enough to "love to the end". Such sacrifice, such a cost......perhaps holding on to these thoughts as i start this new year will help me grow more discerning as to how best i am called to live for the praise and service of God.