More hopeful

For once I am glad that Sabbath is a 'greedy' dog - this has helped her immensely during this time of physical stress. We had been rather annoyed at her habits of late - after years of self control, she would steal scraps from the coffee table when no one was looking.

But for now, being a non fussy eater has helped her remain alert even when her blood parameters are so poor. She seemed to be stronger today, able to give a few barks and whines of protest when I left. So we are a bit more hopeful that her body will be able to produce the depleted cells fast enough. The next two days will be crucial in assessing her possible recovery.

Last night, though, I had to go through a real letting go process. When I was quiet enough to release my own agenda, I realized that I have to let Sabbath go if and when she is too ill to go on. That moment was heart wrenching but at the end of it, I found my freedom. All the while it was 'my' attachment, 'my' needs, that deepened the sadness. When I was able to look into her needs instead, the focus shifted, painful though it was. It was coupled with a letting go to God as well, and willingness to give up his gifts when so required.

All this brought the theoretical learning to actual practice. I guess we can't learn these things except in the crucible of loss (or anticipated loss). It is not over yet.......these experiences are all part of that journey towards love and freedom, that we are all invited to take. Lord, only your love and your grace....that is all we need. Amen