CPE (1)

First two days at CPE training has been a real challenge. Firstly, not being a morning person, it was a real discipline to get up early enough to get to Assunta Hospital for an 8 am start. That was the first hurdle, even though I am really interested in attending. Well, I will have to make up for the sleep on some other day.

I have never been at the hospital for such long hours (apart from being admitted for a couple of days last year). In the past, it has just been a couple of hours to visit friends or relatives or just to have some tests done for myself. I found that my first two days actually brought back memories of my first contact with the hospital almost 28 years ago, when my mother was admitted for cancer surgery!! At that time, there was no "pastoral care" team and knowing what I do now about its value, I can see how such support would have been helpful for me at that time. I realize now that being told the diagnosis by a medical person has a different purpose to it - there is treatment to plan for, and practical issues related to the course of chemotherapy. There is a distance and objectivity about it (I should know this well, as a doctor!) even when the medical person is sensitive in breaking the news.

Our first two days actually went very quickly from 8 am to CIAD (call it a day! at 5 pm). There was much to assimilate - some theory - just sufficient to get us going. But much more learning came in terms of practical experiences. We were thrown in at the deep end quite soon and assigned certain wards as our areas for visit. From yesterday, we were exposed to emergency situations where patients underwent resuscitation, our role being that of supporting the relatives. I had the experience of being present with the relatives of such a patient today, as they waited outside his intensive care unit room. It was something really unexpected for them as he was just admitted yesterday, after a fairly short illness. The situation was really tense as the medical team fought hard for up to forty five minutes ......with no success. This time, I was in a role that challenged me as one vulnerable human person relating with another- being on the "passive" side of the drawn curtains - just waiting, just being with; nothing else to offer (except a tissue to a grieving relative!) I found that indeed such ministry, although seemingly in the background, and so 'helpless' brought up in me certain emotions and questions of faith that I know will come up time and again through this training. That would be growth for me; unlearning the medical approach and embracing the approach of caring (and often healing) presence. We wear blue jackets that have the words "Caring is healing" with a logo of one person putting his/her arm supportively around another.

So much for now. There are six weeks to go, twelve more days in total. I pray for the Lord's strength, grace and presence through this time.