Half a century

As I typed the title of this posting, I suddenly thought of 'century' eggs - those preserved eggs that have that unique 'smell' and colour. Being half a century old today, I wanted to ponder what my life is all about. Is it "preserving" well? I don't aim for any unique smell or color.........But it is certainly time to take stock, when more than half my life is in the past now. (Actually, my dog is also in her middle dog years now - being seven and a half years old and the family joke is that both of us are now well into middle age)
The one thing that does stand out is not any particular achievements - but the faithfulness of the God who calls me by name, who created me from love, of love, for love. I have not always reciprocated that love and yet the drawing of God pursued me......And even, and especially through the difficult times, He was trying to get my attention - to let me know that He was always with me, just wanting to share His true life with me (in exchange for the false and illusory lives that seemed so enticing).

These days, I no longer worry about what I should/want to do for the Lord. I believe it is more about what he wants to do in me and only then, when it is time, through me. Perhaps it is a kind of graced inner wisdom that reminds me how dependent I actually am, on Him. In the younger days, when energy levels were higher, many things were done on my own efficiency, even if I gave thanks to God. Now, it is much more evident in the need to take things a bit slower and not even need to be efficient.

Perhaps it is a step towards learning to 'float' in the sea of God. Good swimmers want to trash into the water to get somewhere....there is 'somewhere' they want to go. But I hear the call to float and let the Lord do the leading. Impatience is probably the biggest challenge - wanting to take things into my own hands, using my own perspective and strength......So the lesson at this half century stage is to unlearn the swimming and instead be patient and trusting enough to float in the sea of God!! (this idea about floating and not swimming is described by Thomas Green in his book "When the wells run dry")