Bye bye Susan

Yesterday just after lunch, I received a message that Susan, a friend from church, had passed on. It was not something 'out of the blue' and yet, in a way it was. You see, Susan has been suffering from a chronic illness for many years - perhaps fifteen years. When I read the message, tears flowed. And I was so glad that last week, I had made it a point to visit her in hospital, although she was admitted for only 2 days. I later heard that she had not been well since her discharge from hospital. It was good that many others had been to see her in the past few days.
She has been in and out of hospital over the years, and I did not always visit her. I had not seen her for several months, as she had moved house quite far off, and had not been coming to church. We usually spoke on the phone. One of my sons who was at home when I got the news also expressed his sadness - she was a favorite church 'auntie'! For Susan too, who had no children of her own, Naren and another boy, both with mischievous grins, had a place in her heart.

For a long time, Susan has been ready to meet her Lord. She had expressed that to me several times. She lived as best she could, serving in small, faithful ways in church - typing the church directory (often with one or two fingers, because there were wounds on the other fingers), being the coordinator for church fellowship meals.....

There have been times when I have felt really helpless as she shared the physical pain that wrecked her frail body, especially in the past few months. Medications helped only briefly and she was already on so many that it was difficult to prescribe one that would not have adverse reactions for her. Life in this fallen world includes many 'incurable' chronic illnesses. This is a reality although most of the time, we would rather not think about these things. And maybe these 'defences' are appropriate and necessary, at certain times. Yet at the same time, as a 'Christ bearer' (the goal of knowing Christ), I would like to live with a 'heart of flesh' more of the time. Perhaps being able to feel deep compassion (as Jesus did towards those who suffer) yet with creative detachment is a grace that I would seek from the Lord. In fact, yesterday, I had to 'stop' my tears after a short while. I had to shut off my feelings just like that, because I had to go to work. Thankfully, in the evening, I was able to return to my thoughts and feelings again, allowing what needed to surface to do so, and reach a place of thankfulness for this friend. Indeed, for her now, there are no more tears, no more pain......