Asking for graces

Today the group discussed chapters 7 and 8 of "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning. One of the chapters is titled "Recovery of Passion". One of the images the author uses to illustrate intimacy with Christ is that of John ('the disciple Jesus loved') reclining at table next to Jesus and leaning on Jesus. It was interesting to note that our reading evoked from us "desires", I would call "holy desires", for God's graces. I look at this as a natural response to the ongoing work of the indwelling Spirit in our lives. There comes a time in our spiritual lives when we realize there is more to our search for God than just theoretical knowledge, however important that is for grounding us in the faith. Of course coming from a background where the term 'spiritual experience' is suspect, it has taken me a long time to accept that it is ok to 'desire the touch of God' in one's life. To even ask for the grace to 'experience an outpouring of God's love'.

When one prays with Scripture, the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises suggest asking for "what you want and desire" - meaning the graces that one seeks from God. For example, a deeper sense of God's love, or a sense of one's sinfulness and God's forgiveness, or a deeper knowing of Christ.......We are reminded that it is not 'much knowledge' that fills and satisfies our soul, but a 'felt experience' of God's graces.

Today, I found myself asking that out of God's glorious abundance, I might be strengthened, with power, through his Spirit, in my inner being (using words from Paul's prayer for the Ephesians). As I shared with my fellow pilgrims, I am really into a 'mid-life' journey now! Energy levels are lower, I do not feel I want to rush to accomplish as much as possible, and I am searching for a more integrated pattern of life. Those changes are just the externals. The inner being is in a flux as well. I am getting to know parts of myself that I am unfamiliar with. It comes as a surprise at times; at other times I face the need to embrace and integrate parts that have been neglected. As well known psychologist Carl Jung wrote, "we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program for the morning" Mid-life will be a challenging as well as a rewarding journey of transition (I won't use the word 'crisis' as it connotes confusion without also giving a hopeful nuance). It will be all the more meaningful for those of us who can invite the Lord to meet this new self that is emerging. I am grateful that many if not most of my close friends have already embarked on this journey, and they will be able to understand my struggles and encourage me.