Longing for home

Lately, I have been drawn to the theme of 'home'. I pray Psalms 84 and and 43 regularly and as much as I can, enter into the words and feelings of the psalmist; of course within my own present day context. I guess I am searching...for a home that of course will not be really home until we arrive in God's home, that He has prepared for us. But being human, the 'search' is, as it were written into our genes....only that each engages in the search in a different way, some consciously, and some less so.

Birds find nooks and crannies in your house, sparrows and swallows make nests there.

And how blessed all those in whom you live, whose lives become roads you travel

(Psalm 84; The Message - Eugene Peterson)

Send out your light and your truth; they shall be my guide,

to lead me to your holy mountain to the place where you dwell

(Psalm 43; New Jerusalem Bible)

The psalmists were referring to the Temple, the home of their faith. We no longer have a temple and cult centered faith. That image of God's house, the holy mountain.....becomes for us the spiritual home that our heart longs for. And we can experience that home in our hearts, where the Spirit dwells. But admittedly, my search often takes me outside myself, because I am by nature a restless person. The contemplative tradition encourages us to 'look within'. One of the Desert Fathers advised a newcomer, "Stay in your cell and your cell will teach you everything". We often distract ourselves and run from our 'cells'. It is difficult to stay put, especially when nothing seems to be happening. And so much seems to be happening elsewhere.

My 'search' for home is the journey we are all on. Because of specific life circumstances, I have a tendency to get sidetracked by hopes of finding groups of like minded people to belong to. And of course this will never be a final solution, because every person grows and changes with time. Before we can get too comfortable in one place (spiritually) we are invited to move on....to new places, on the way up the holy mountain.
Today, my restlessness was stilled when the words "the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head" came to mind. I was reminded about Jesus in his earthly life. Not only was it a matter of physical abode, but in a deep sense, he was always aware of not truly fitting in. We know that for Christians the same holds true. We will never find too comfortable a home here (and neither should we direct our hopes and energies to that pursuit). The Lord tells me it is ok to feel the longing for home. At the same time, it does not need to lead to frantic searches. Stay with the feelings and hear God within them is what I would share with a directee, and what I need to hear myself.