Beginners in love

Yesterday a spiritual friend remarked that it is so difficult in our Christian culture to just bask in God's love and faithfulness. There is always the pressure and guilt that we impose on others by the spoken or usually unspoken expectation that every 'good' Christian should be very, very busy running about from one ministry to another.

I do feel the same way as my friend. In the past, when people asked, "What are you doing these days?" I tried to answer truthfully of course, but rather indirectly by mentioning that I am busy sending my children to school, to tuition etc. Inside, I did feel a little guilty especially if they were very 'busy' people. I could never (and still don't ) just tell people that I am spending quite a bit of time getting to know the Lord better, and beginning to understand what his loving kindness is all about. Am I just 'beginning'? After all, I have been a Christian for many years.....and just a beginner? Sounds paradoxical. But we are all beginners in learning to receive and give love. Of course humanly speaking we have certain emotional resources at our disposal. But I have come to realize that in giving a love that mirrors God's ('love one another as I have loved you') we are always in kindergarten class, having to receive, learn and constantly practice the essential steps.

Is spending so much time on this self indulgent? There are so many needs around .....why not just jump in and try to meet them?

Is that what our Lord is calling us to do? I cannot answer for others and each must hear the Spirit's call. But I do know that if I do not spend time just being with the Lord, in his loving presence, what happens is that my loving deteriorates into something that comes from human effort. It's not too bad of course, for we all know how we should 'behave lovingly' towards others. But at many such moments (as when I counsel very needy and vulnerable people) I can sense in my heart that I gradually lack the true compassion that sees the other through God's eyes. It may not be intentional, but always and every time my heart needs replenishment with God's love so that I can love others in the way he has loved me.

So I call myself a 'beginner in love'. And I will have as many years of this learning process, as the Lord allows me to journey on through this life. Being the Beloved is the origin and fulfilment of the life of the Spirit. Becoming the Beloved is the great spiritual journey we have to make. Becoming the Beloved means letting the truth of our Belovedness become enfleshed in all we think, say or do. (Henri Nouwen)