Listening to others

When I first rediscovered my faith and became an active church member, I was very open about my problems and my search for God. I remember that I even walked to the front during one of the 'altar calls' to declare my desire to recommit myself to God and to ask for church membership. I must say my pastor then had much wisdom, requiring people to make a public declaration if they were in fact earnest. It would not only be for the person's benefit but also an invitation for the rest of the congregation to rejoice in God's redeeming work in a brother or sister's life.

However, as time went on, I realized that not everyone in church is comfortable to relate in an open way. There seemed to be much 'niceness' around, but no real depth to the relationships.

Of course it would not be appropriate as it were to 'bare' our deepest secrets just to anybody, in church or not. But it is sad even small groups, which should represent a small 'spiritual family', do not always invite openness about our lives. I wonder how we can recapture that openness of heart that would surely have been part of the house churches described in the book of Acts.

Perhaps we need to know how to 'listen' to others and respond in a way that leads them into a deeper sense of God's work within their lives. Often we just hear people out and answer off the tops of our heads, whether hoping to encourage or giving a word of 'advice' (maybe from our own perspective or past experience). That's the easiest thing to do. I often do this when I am in a hurry to bring closure to a conversation and I slip into a 'helper' mode, wanting to feel useful.

But that is not the way that those who have 'listened to my life' have done so. Those mentors and spiritual guides have been role models for me. As I spoke, there was never a sense of 'judgment' about my struggles. There was never a sense that as a Christian, I should 'pull up my socks' or that I should 'know better'. Moreover, there was never a sense that they were spiritually superior in any way, though perhaps further on in the journey. (In fact being further on in the journey does not make us superior, but merely indicates that we may be more familiar with the road- markers.) Anyway, such conversations seemed to be holy moments where God's was palpably present. Through them, I discovered for myself God's 'word' for me, rather than receiving Christian platitudes.

One of the things I realize as I listen to others is that whatever struggle they share is part of our shared human struggle. The specifics may differ because our life situations are different. But the longings, the fears, the confusions, the angers should not shock or surprise us.......if we have also been truthful with our own process of growth. At one time or another in differing circumstances, those were our own struggles. In this way, I do not keep the other person's problems distant from me, but I try to enter with them into the questions raised by their struggles. More important than what I say is the need to redirect them to what the Lord says......perhaps what forms true community is to listen together for the voice of the Beloved.