The Journey of Desire (4)

How many of us take the time to become aware of what drives us? Or do we just run on auto pilot most of the time? Often, only when something strikes deeply, at the core of our hearts do we stop in our tracks. We pay attention, either to the glimpses of eternity or to the depths of hell that have shaken us out of our dream like state. But surely, there is a better way to live with our faith and our passion.

Yes, we have all witnessed how inappropriate desires have destroyed others. So we fear letting our desires come up to the surface...what if they engulf us? What would we do with them? What does it have to do with our lives in God?

"Spirituality is about what we do with ...desire. What we do with our longings, both in terms of handling the pain and the hope they bring us, that is our spirituality. Thus, when Plato says that we are on fire because our souls come from beyond and that beyond is, through the longing and hope that its fire creates in us, trying to draw us back toward itself, he is laying out the broad outlines for a spirituality. Likewise for Augustine, when he says: 'You have made us for yourself, Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.' Spirituality is about what we do with our unrest. Spirituality concerns what we do with desire." (Ronald Rolheiser: The Holy Longing)

Like many, I have not always paid attention to my desires. Sure, they would have driven my way of living but I did not consciously attend to them. I often acted out of impulsiveness, even if with good intentions. Slowing down has helped me pay attention to life in general and to my desires and longings in particular. The Christian tradition does not teach us to kill our desires. Leading a reflective life helps us listen to our hearts, listen to the many longings that are birthed there and trace their source and goal. We are usually conscious of the surface longings that call to us to certain ways of relating to the material realm. Nothing wrong with this: we live in a material world which our Creator has given to us to enjoy and steward responsibly.

But our lives are more, much more than 'what we wear or what we eat and drink' as Jesus said. There are longings that come from a deeper place. Are we familiar with them? Have we listened long enough to what our heart is trying to tell us?

The first time I was asked to express to God what grace I desired was during an Ignatian retreat in daily life many years ago. I did not fully understand what it all meant. I tried to go along with the process taught by the retreat guide, but I was not really in touch with my desires. Asking for the grace one desires in prayer is one way of slowing beginning to understand what our deeper desires might be.....to trust that the Lord is most willing to grant them.....and then to receive them with gratitude.

"Bless the Lord O my soul and all my inmost being bless his holy name.....who fills your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's ".