Anger and murder

Matthew 5: 21 - 26

"..any one who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment"

Anger is a very complex emotion and Christians do not know how to deal with it very well. Jesus says very clearly that anger is akin to murder, that is, it is a form of 'abuse or killing' of another in the heart or in words, rather than physically. Of course in its most extreme expression, physical harm may be inflicted leading to murder. Most Christians are well aware of this and have tried hard to deal with their anger, but often in the form of repression and suppression rather than resolution and healing. That is why many of our relationships even with other Christians are marked by superficial 'niceness' rather than deep and genuine love.

I am usually a 'nice' person to my acquaintances but knowing myself well, I do recognize that very often I harbor irritation and anger towards others. I am not one to show my feelings outright but that does not make my attitude any more excusable. My usual sin is to harbor these feelings and allow them to brew inside, ruminating about the wrong done to me or about something wrong I perceive about a particular situation. It is easy first of all to justify myself and project the wrongdoing wholly on to others. I then fall into self pity and nurse my wounds. But I have learnt that such an approach gets me nowhere. It even affects my prayer because as I sit in God's presence my thoughts are all over the place, having imaginary conversations with myself and others about the reasons for my anger. Just imagine sitting with a friend and ignoring him or her, just focusing on and pitying myself! Anger has a way of affecting every part of our lives.

As the apostle Paul reminds us "Be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger". It would be too idealistic to say we can ever achieve a state of never getting angry. It is part of our frailty as humans to react with anger. And so we do have to deal with anger, that we may not allow this emotion to cause us to sin, to murder, whether in our hearts, in words or physically. I have learnt a lot about how to deal with anger through counselling. Anger tells me something about myself if I choose to listen. Anger is just the tip of the iceberg. At present, I have to deal with my discomfort and even anger at certain decisions made in my church. My feelings have been taking up a lot of my time, as I think and rethink about the whole issue. I have to recognize the reasons for my anger, the part of the iceberg that lies below the surface. It is easier to put the blame solely on others. But so many other more tender feelings lie beneath that anger - feelings that are more painful to experience and therefore are buried under the stronger feeling of anger. Top of the list for me is fear of the loss of what I have known to be the church's identity. With this recent decision, it seems that our identity, our ethos will change and I am not quite sure that I can fit into this church any more. So now I get down to the real feelings: fear, loss, even sadness. Anger is but the tip of the iceberg. These tender feelings (of fear, of loss, of sadness), when expressed in the right place, to the right people will be far more constructive. It may also draw me closer to others rather than causing alienation.

Jesus is concerned about heart righteousness. He warns against any form of religion that focuses on the externals while excusing the state of one's heart. Anger can be toxic even when it is just kept inside the heart. We will all experience this emotion at some time or another. May we be courageous enough to look beneath the tip of the iceberg, and allow the Lord to lead us to greater self knowledge, drawing us into his healing embrace and out towards others in reconciliation.