Images of Singapore

I was in Singapore for a short trip, about ten days ago.

Several images caught my eye..... no 'beggars', at least in the central part of the city we were staying ....but we met a number of people selling tissue packets.....one of the most touching was the man on a motorized wheelchair (looked like he has a form of cerebral palsy) outside the MRT station. Others were little old ladies....so i ended up with enough tissues for the whole trip!

The other image was the new casino at Marina Bay Sands that i was told by my relative is likely to cause many social problems. I was curious and would have gone in, but i probably misread the sign and thought that even foreigners have to pay the 100 dollar levy!

Then another sight was the view of Singapore from the fifty seventh floor of Marina Bay Sands hotel - from the so called viewing deck that extends a couple of hundred feet out of the end of the building. Not for those uncomfortable with heights, but it gives a birds eye view of Singapore.
Life is full of paradoxes. On one end you have the high standards of living that seem to define the word 'success'. As i walked through the hotel complex, i wondered whether those staying there were really conscious and grateful for the gift, or had the experience become mundane for them - just the next new hotel to try out. On the other end, we sometime meet very real people, who live quite authentic lives, even if in some hardship; people who do not know that they do make the day brighter for those who are willing to 'see' through the simple trappings. i struggle sometimes with just wanting to give a couple of dollars and not take the tissues - but i reckon it would give the person much more dignity to be treated like any other person who makes an honest living (and not a mere charity case).

Dear Lord of all, all the rich and the poor and the in betweens, help us recognize and appreciate all gifts that come our way - gifts wrapped in gold and ribbons and also those that are much simpler and much more ordinary - yet gifts all the same, from a loving God. Amen

Pictures of December 2010

My elder son's twenty first birthday....i invited his university friends as a surprise....but he more or less guessed as we made our way there...

My lady's finger plant surprised me

with a second fruit after the first

one dried up........

Christmas roast pork

on the right.......

A new year......

I was hoping for a little time last week to round off the year but with the flu bug at the beginning of the week and then a very busy two days at clinic, i actually ended the year somewhat tired out. Did not realize this until the weekend when just a few hours of chit chat and lunch with relatives left me really tired and i even had a bit of lightheadedness the following day - doing very minimal and normal chores!! Hmm....well, it was enforced rest yesterday and i took things really slowly today, and have more or less recovered. Tomorrow and Wednesday will be working days - and i just hope that it will not be too busy ....

Just after Christmas, I entered the "Third Week" in my Ignatian prayer exercises. This is the phase of the Passion of Christ. Well, it does seem a little 'out of season', but since we began the 19th Annotation retreat in September, it does not follow the liturgical year.

I am amazed, as praying through the Last Supper, Foot Washing and Gethsemane, i am led to how 'human' Jesus really was. It is well enough to proclaim that he is fully human, fully divine, but the 'divine' part usually takes center stage. Here, in these prayer exercises, i see him struggle in a very human way, in a way that helps me more fully appreciate and understand him. There is no indication that the struggle was easily won, or that the anguish and sorrow was unreal - in fact, at Gethsemane, he sought human companionship as he struggled in prayer. His disciples could not 'stay awake' for various reasons (worn out with grief; did not know what to say to Him...) and he was left quite alone bereft of the companionship of his friends (Luke mentions that angels strengthened him). He won the struggle - to say "Yes" to his Father's will. His love for humankind was a love "to the end" - a love that accepted total vulnerability - in the hands of those he came to save.

All these insights left me in a quiet, serious mood, knowing very well my own responsibility in Jesus' suffering. Yet, wonder of wonders, he loved me, loved us enough to "love to the end". Such sacrifice, such a cost......perhaps holding on to these thoughts as i start this new year will help me grow more discerning as to how best i am called to live for the praise and service of God.

Post Christmas jottings

It has been a really quiet Christmas this year, except for the sound of coughs and sniffles. One by one, the whole family came down with a bug, starting from early last week. The first hit were my husband and older son - and they had it quite bad. They are still at the tail end of it.....I thought i would not catch the bug, but i have, since yesterday......probably my immune system was low after the last minute preparations last week. My younger son has some sniffles but seems to be the 'strongest' so far....

Our internet connection has been a bit 'touch and go' too, after lighting struck the modem last Wednesday. It's away for repairs (still under warranty) and a friend lent us a modem, that works but occasionally gets cut off for no reason.

One of the highlights of the long weekend was watching the Gospel of John DVD again. It is a journey through John's gospel, highlighting how Jesus is revealed as the Messiah, through several 'signs'. It brought me back to the meaning of Christmas, and the 'Person' behind it all. We also watched the second Chronicles of Narnia movie (Prince Caspian) where Aslan portrays the gentle strength of Christ. I am always amazed at how meaningful Christmas can be, when Christ remains in the center. It is never just a season of giving and receiving, that would not plumb the depths of meaning, if not for the fact that we have received Christ, our greatest 'gift'.

Christmas - this week!

This year, until almost mid December, I was rather blissfully unaware of the coming Christmas celebrations. Yes, I've had the Advent candles out, but that was all. I had prayed through the Nativity scenes in the gospels a couple of months ago, and have moved on to the public life of Jesus. Therefore, last week or so, i was suddenly 'awakened' when i realized how time was passing! The past ten days have been a bit of a rush to get appropriate gifts, wrap them and even to pass them to friends who would not be around at Christmas. Then the recipe books came out of storage and i pored over them. Well, the weekend just past has been a baking 'frenzy' - the fruit cake turned out well, and two types of cookie, but one other batch of cookies was a failure! Today, i was trying out some finger snacks - and managed to get a 'baked' (rather than deep fried) wonton done fairly well. I am 'cheating' on the main dish - bought a frozen preroasted chicken with stuffing! Though now i realize i need to make a sauce!

How amazing that our Lord came to us without much fanfare. He chose such a humble setting of a stable or barn, rather than a house to be born in, and was acknowledged first of all by a group of simple country shepherds. Now, each Christmas, we remember with gratitude the birth of our Lord. It may also be a time to ask what his birth means to us.....

"A tiny, fragile baby.....that's how You came to us. A Lord and King who chose no fanfare to herald Your arrival. You came as a babe, helpless an dependent. How could it be this way? Somehow i can never fully comprehend this powerless way of Yours. I prefer a 'mighty' God who comes in power. Lord, what does it mean that You clothed Yourself in human flesh....does it mean, for one thing, that i can learn from You how to be more fully human? Lord, You are the gift beyond all other gifts.....a gift that has to be unwrapped one layer at a time, slowly, with deep gratitude"

Jesus 'heals'

The account of Jesus healing blind Bartimaeus has levels of meaning when not seen in a merely literal way. I prayed this story the other day, and well, i am not physically blind. By God's grace i have the gift of sight and can still enjoy the visible wonders of the created order.

However, i was very aware as i prayed that in several areas my 'vision' is somewhat impaired. My perspective is often near sighted, narrow and leads me down the road to Jericho, where i can identify with Bartimaeus, who cries out repeatedly, "Lord, have mercy on me!"

"Yes, Lord, have mercy on me! For i am not able to 'see' your presence and action as i would like to. The world sometimes seems a bleak place, especially when i read the headline stories in the newspapers of people dying, mugged, raped, and every horror that is not only 'in the movies'. There are times when i am even unable to find You in my own 'story'......"

But what gave me much consolation was Bartimaeus' courage to name his need, his blindness and persist in crying out to Jesus. He could not see Jesus for himself but he trusted his senses that Jesus was near, and would somehow come through for him. His courage puts me to shame for there are times when i give in to the blindness of desolation too easily, far too easily.

As i too am healed of my blindness, i can feel the desire strengthen to 'follow Jesus on the way'......even as He heads to Jerusalem.

See Him looking at you

This is a favorite exercise of Teresa of Avila for allowing us to experience the love of Christ for ourselves. It was one of those fundamental exercises that she recommended to everyone.

"Imagine you see Jesus standing before you....He is looking at you.....all you have to do is see Him looking at you". "See Him looking at you," Teresa says, "lovingly and humbly".

"Many find it hard to imagine Jesus looking at them lovingly - their image of Jesus is the image of someone who is harsh and demanding, someone who, even if he loves them, loves them only if they are good. The second attitude they find even more difficult to accept. That Jesus should look at them humbly? Impossible! Once again they have not understood the Jesus of the NT. They have never taken seriously the fact that Jesus has become their servant and slave, a man who washes their feet, who willingly dies the death of a slave out of love for them"

(Tony de Mello SJ)

Tending....discerning

I was given a lady's finger plant a couple of weeks ago. I have been tending it (sort of) - just by placing it in bright sunlight and watering it and the 'one' fruit has grown to eatable size. However, i've been told that it would be better to let it dry up and then sow the seeds to produce new plants. Though i figure out that i would need a whole patch of ground or a trough to plant enough just for a 'stir fried ladies finger' dish.

It is very much like tending our souls. Sometimes we are quick to harvest the 'fruit' immediately, not realizing that it would be better left to mature and then multiply, to produce a hundred fold. There are seasons in our lives when we do not rush out and start doing good works, as we may be outpacing God's grace.

I reckon i am often tempted in both directions. Sometimes to 'hold back' when it would be appropriate to go ahead, trusting God for the resources......and sometimes to 'pushing on' when i am not fully supported by God's grace and i depend on my own strength.

Discernment is the art of being at balance in our hearts so that it is God's Spirit who moves us either one way or the other. It is in practice like being a balance of a scale at equilibrium, not tipping one side or the other, until the grace of God moves us. Perhaps this comes to me at the end of a year when i have not been too disciplined in this art, thereby sometimes feeling the pressure of 'many things' and at other times the temptation to fill in the 'empty spaces' that feel too unproductive.

At this point and as i look ahead to another year......i remind myself that my goal and purpose is the "praise, reverence and service of God".

What is your name?

Simon Peter was one of the disciples who went through a change of name, as the Lord called and affirmed him. I have heard it said that his name was changed from "Simon the taufoo" to "Peter the Rock". Apart from the laughs we get, it is a fairly accurate description. After all, Simon who was all bravado on the outside was actually trembling on the inside. He cut off a servant's ear as Jesus was arrested. Why not one of the soldiers'? And later his denials speak volumes about his real inner condition.

I believe we all have 'names' that the Lord gives us. What names does Jesus give me that express my role in his kingdom? What names does Jesus confer on me, as he did on Peter (you Satan; Matt. 16: 13 - 23) that reflect aspects of my life where I do not yet embrace God's ways?

During this reflection i came up with "Joy and Freedom" as my most authentic name, while i believe "Fear and Grief" reflect my 'need for redemption' name. I realize that these names reflect the ways i am most aligned and least aligned with God. They reflect the ways i am easily distracted and even tempted, often to desolation; and also the ways i can remain in consolation. Like the senior devil advises the junior devil in C.S. Lewis' "Screwtape Letters" the place to attack is where the humans are weak, especially if they are not aware of the weak point.

The encouraging thing is that Peter found his 'redemption', his failure did not define him for ever and he found reconciliation and was recommissioned (John 21). Yes, we are all persons in process, unfinished creations.....may we be malleable clay in our loving Potter's hands.

Being "called"

Have been praying the passage on Jesus' baptism. The Spiritual Exercises asks the retreatant to imagine that at some point, Jesus leaves his hometown of Nazareth, saying goodbye to his mother. I imagined how he came to that decision.......perhaps through his years of waiting on the Father, he had developed a discerning heart and knew when the time was right. I imagined how his long years of preparation brought him to this significant entry into his life of ministry. It's amazing how often we just jump into ministry, whether prepared or not, whether led by God or not! And through the years, during times of struggle, the confusion and discouragement sets in.

Our Lord was well prepared for the "call". For us it is more often a longer process of trial and error, as we take small steps to discern God's direction for us. Perhaps it is because we have so many 'baggages' to let go, and it takes us time to let go, slowly and one by one, even though conceptually we 'know' that God can be trusted fully and completely.

From the baptism passages, after appreciating Jesus' "call", we are told to meditate on our "call". One of the passages, on "Zacchaeus" was significant for me. I noticed just how keen he was to meet Jesus. Nothing deterred him - not what others might have thought of him (his reputation of being a sinner), or how he looked (short stature). It is therefore not too surprising how he responded to Jesus - willing to give up his 'baggages' - those things that kept him from Jesus. I found myself also wanting to 'give over' those things that have a hold on me - particularly the worries and fears (that sounds better when i call them 'concerns'). It is amazing that when one focuses on Jesus, it is true that "the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace". Most times, our eyes/ears/senses are distracted in a myriad of ways. Lord, have mercy and help us turn our eyes upon you.